Monday, June 4, 2012

I have the power...


Ever have one of those days when you can almost actually hear the conflict inside of yourself?  You know the conflict, the proverbial angel and devil on opposite shoulders? 

At 41 years old, I would like to believe that I have evolved to a level of maturity that eliminates the need for retaliation or one-uppedness, or whatever you want to call it.  To let hurtful people just be hurtful and not let it affect me, to not feel like I have to let the other person know that they DO NOT have the upper hand.  Sadly, I am not there yet.  However, the fact that I have the inner conflict tells me that I am getting there.  That is progress. 

Every day we are faced with people who, for whatever the reason, just don’t like us.  Maybe we unknowingly scowl too much, maybe we have political views that we feel strongly about that they disagree with, maybe we have stepped over an invisible boundary that we didn’t know existed, maybe we are someone that the other person wishes they were, maybe we are the epitome of what they hope to never be, maybe we are too nice or too judgmental or too fat or too pretty, who knows!

The point is this; that it doesn’t really matter.  When we wake up in the morning, we are the ones who have to look at ourselves in the mirror.  And we all know that no matter what face we put on in public and to the people around us, that look in the mirror is our moment of truth.  If we are human at all, we face our faults in that mirror; we see our weaknesses and our truths.  But we also see our strengths.  The trick is to recognize them all for what they are and do the right thing.  On many days we will struggle with this, but on those days when we allow for common sense and unselfishness to prevail, we will do the right thing, the thing that is healthy and productive, the thing that makes us a positive example to our children.  Sure, we may have legal or moral rights to act otherwise, but that doesn’t mean that it is the right thing to do for everyone involved. 

And so, this morning, as I looked at myself in the mirror, I allowed for the angel to prevail.  I have decided to take the power away from those who mean to do me harm.  I will not allow myself to be dragged down to a level that I would be ashamed of in the long run.  Because a moment of self- satisfaction is not worth the self-loathing that will follow, when I know that I am a better person.  And I know that my decision is a sign that I am maturing.  Maybe someday I will get there.  :)

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